Hi it's just a week after Valentine's day and am still wondering about the significance of the day in PNG. I mean seriously do our ancestors celebrate Valentine's day it got me thinking to how love is define by our ancestors. Do they come home and say "hey honey I love you I killed this pig for you this morning?
My father came out of the pre colonial era and his love for my mum was basically ensuring that there is shelter for us his family and that food is on the table at all times, the needs of the kids are met plus ensuring that his wife's family and his family are also looked after and that there is harmony in both families.
When I went to school this western concept of love and expectations of a male buying you gift or giving you flowers was something that girls long for. A lovely gesture for a male to do that to a female in the western world and part of their culture. I dont really understand it but I respect their society. However it does bring conflicting expectations on PNG Men. I find most of us PNG women do long for our partners, husbands and boyfriends to do some romantic gestures on the day. But I sense most feel disappointed by the lack of interest as show by the men folks.
PNG males majority of them are not savvy with the Western concept of Valentine's day. Valentine for them is ensuring that what the family needed was provided for 365 days a year and a Rose and candle lit dinner on February the 14th holds no significance. I remember asking a male friend once saying it's Valentine's day and what are you going to do? His response was Is my name Valentine? I laugh about it then but it got me thinking of the expectations of us Melanesian women expecting a Melanesian men to define Valentine's day using a western concept.
Am sure when you look at it from that angle you tend to appreciate the man in life and your expectations towards him will be more reasonable and understanding. And if he is providing everything for you already don't push a western concept on him as it will only make it harder for him and more disappointing for you.
So for me I would rather see love in the traditional Melanesian society where safety, protection and having food and shelter provided for me as a token of his Valentine. He may not openly express his emotions to me in public may not even buy me a rose in this life time but in sincerity he is everything to not only me but to my household and his and that means the extended family. That is my Valentine!
Just like the black rose which is non existence but painted in black, Valentine's day is just another normal day but covered with a western concept to signify love.
So from a Melanesian perspective What the heck! 365 days is Valentine to all of us.....
My father came out of the pre colonial era and his love for my mum was basically ensuring that there is shelter for us his family and that food is on the table at all times, the needs of the kids are met plus ensuring that his wife's family and his family are also looked after and that there is harmony in both families.
When I went to school this western concept of love and expectations of a male buying you gift or giving you flowers was something that girls long for. A lovely gesture for a male to do that to a female in the western world and part of their culture. I dont really understand it but I respect their society. However it does bring conflicting expectations on PNG Men. I find most of us PNG women do long for our partners, husbands and boyfriends to do some romantic gestures on the day. But I sense most feel disappointed by the lack of interest as show by the men folks.
PNG males majority of them are not savvy with the Western concept of Valentine's day. Valentine for them is ensuring that what the family needed was provided for 365 days a year and a Rose and candle lit dinner on February the 14th holds no significance. I remember asking a male friend once saying it's Valentine's day and what are you going to do? His response was Is my name Valentine? I laugh about it then but it got me thinking of the expectations of us Melanesian women expecting a Melanesian men to define Valentine's day using a western concept.
Am sure when you look at it from that angle you tend to appreciate the man in life and your expectations towards him will be more reasonable and understanding. And if he is providing everything for you already don't push a western concept on him as it will only make it harder for him and more disappointing for you.
So for me I would rather see love in the traditional Melanesian society where safety, protection and having food and shelter provided for me as a token of his Valentine. He may not openly express his emotions to me in public may not even buy me a rose in this life time but in sincerity he is everything to not only me but to my household and his and that means the extended family. That is my Valentine!
So from a Melanesian perspective What the heck! 365 days is Valentine to all of us.....
Absolutely loved this piece ❤
ReplyDeleteThankyou for sharing the sentiments
DeleteNice piece. Very true
ReplyDeletePoint On! Keep it up :)
ReplyDelete